Sketch Dissection: Security Questions by Neil Casey and Will Hines

Breaking down a sketch I love

Today, I’m dissecting a sketch I absolutely love. It’s fast, sleek, and simple. And I have access to at least one version of the script thanks to Will Hines. This is “Security Questions” by Neil Casey and Will Hines. Watch and read it below:

To me, this is a fatless sketch. A fast-moving, constantly building, crisp bit of comedy.

The first thing you might notice is that this script is a little over seven pages long which would seem to defy earlier stated guidelines about the length of sketches. But the page per minute rule is never really that precise and a sketch like this with a lot of snappy, one-word lines moves pretty quickly. Indeed, the video version above is only about four minutes.

The Opening

Before we play the first beat of the game we have this handful of lines.

JEFF
They told me to come here and get my password set up? 

BIFF CYCYK
That's what the IT department is for. You must be that new whiz kid they have down in finance, right? 

JEFF
Well, I wouldn't put it like THAT. 

BIFF CYCYK
Well, you'll fit right in. We just need to set you up with a password, type it here. Don't worry! I won't look! 

JEFF
All right. 

JEFF types it in.

What are these lines doing? More than anything else they are establishing reality. They are situating you in time and space, setting up relationships, and suggesting what “normal” looks like before the unusual is introduced. Here are some important things we learn from these lines:

• Each character needs something from the other: Jeff needs Biff’s help to set up his password (“They told me…”). Biff’s job requires him to help Jeff (“That’s what the IT department is for.”). These characters are bound together. Neither one can easily leave the scene, which will be important when things get difficult later.

• The characters are not antagonistic toward each other: Biff is throwing out compliments (“whiz kid”) and making dumb office jokes (“Don’t worry! I won’t look!”). Jeff is humble (“I wouldn’t say THAT”) and agreeable. This is important for two reasons. First, it makes the eventual shift toward frustration more noticeable. Second, it means you don’t suspect Jeff of lying when he becomes difficult. Jeff is just stating honest facts about his life, not trying to fuck with Biff, and we trust Jeff later because we see him and Biff getting along in this moment.

• The characters have a clear goal: “We just need to set you up with a password.” We know why these characters are talking to each other and what they’re trying to do. We know what they’re generally trying to achieve, and, as the encounter gets more insane, Biff knows what he must do to make it end — get Jeff’s password set up. All his actions, all his new tactics, every heightening is with this clear purpose. Clear goals make strong characters and satisfied audiences.

The First Beat

With our world and our characters set up we can now introduce the game. The first beat! The premise! The problem! And it is this:

There is no security question that applies to Jeff.

This is something people can generally relate to: we’ve all seen suggested security questions for which we can give no clear answer. For example, I went to three different high schools and am always a little flummoxed by the “what was your high school mascot” question. This sketch takes that relatable experience and exaggerates it: what if no security question is usable, no matter how clear it seems.

BIFF CYCYK
Great, great. Now we need to set up some security questions. The system will ask you these if you forget your password so you can still access your account. 

JEFF
Sure, security questions. 

BIFF CYCYK
We have to pick from a pre-set list here. Let's go with the old stand-by: "What is your mother's maiden name?" 

JEFF
Ah, well, I was adopted. By a widower. So I was raised by that man. 

The sketch eases the audience in, establishing what security questions are (on the off-chance that the whole concept is foreign to you), and uses the most frequent security question as its first beat. Jeff has a totally valid (if unlikely) response, and Biff reacts appropriately (“Well we won’t use that one.”) He’s not angry at Jeff or the situation (yet). In fact, tt’s kind of funny to him! It’s not yet a problem; there are many other possible questions…

The Next Beats

With the premise established, we now want to play it again. And again, and again. Games rely on repetition. We want to see Biff come up with a security question that will DEFINITELY pin down Jeff, and then we want to see Jeff, nevertheless, wriggle out it. This is a volley. We’ll be delighted with every attempt Biff makes to break the game, AND we’ll be delighted every time Jeff keeps the game on its tracks.

BIFF CYCYK
Well we won't use that one then. Let's see. "What was the name of your first pet?" 

JEFF
Never had a pet. 

BIFF CYCYK
Really? 

JEFF
Nope. Grew up in New York, didn't really have room for pets. Should I just make one up? A pet's name? 

BIFF CYCYK
No, it's gotta be true. You'd probably forget a fake answer. Here's one. "Who was the best man at your wedding?" 

JEFF
Not married. 

BIFF CYCYK
Never been married? 

JEFF
No. I have a girlfriend. She's a poet. 

There are two other important lines in this run. First there’s Jeff’s “Should I just make one up? A pet’s name?” This line reinforces the idea that Jeff is not lying. He’s not fucking with Biff. Furthermore, he’s offering a new way out of the game, something that the audience might be thinking: why don’t they just lie? The computer doesn’t know it’s true. But Biff provides a reasonable justification: this is for security, and you’re more likely to remember true things. Deliciously, this very justification will come back to bite Biff in the ass at the end of the sketch.

It’s also in this very early moment that Jeff introduces the fact that he has a girlfriend, who is a poet. It seems like an unimportant bit of flavor in the moment, but this foreshadowing will come back later to justify one of the more outlandish beats at the end, that Jeff’s girlfriend has a name that is both unpronounceable and unwriteable.

A Brief Misdirect

By this point the pattern has been pretty clearly established, and we are at risk of the audience getting bored or getting ahead of the sketch. The next beat STILL PLAYS THE SAME GAME (No security question works for Jeff) but it does it in a slightly different way. There’s a brief moment where we think Jeff has been thwarted. We have caught him in a rhetorical trap from which he can’t possibly escape…

BIFF CYCYK
How about "What is the name of the church you attended as a child." 

JEFF
None. My family wasn't that religious, especially after my dad remarried. 

BIFF CYCYK
Oh, so your dad did remarry? Then let's go back to that first one, "What was your stepmother's maiden name?" 

Until, of course, he does. Jeff wriggles free, and continues the same pattern of the game…

JEFF
Well, he came out as a homosexual and married a man. So, remarried: yes. Maiden name: no. 

More Heightened Beats

And, now that the audience has been tilted off-balance from the misdirect, we return to the main pattern of the game, a back-and-forth volley between Biff and Jeff.

BIFF CYCYK
How about "What is the name of your date to the senior prom?" 

JEFF
No prom. I went to a fine arts magnet school. 

BIFF CYCYK
"What was the name of your first dormitory hall at college?" 

JEFF
I didn't go to college, I'm self-taught. 

BIFF CYCYK
"First employer." 

JEFF
You guys would be. I worked for myself until you bought my one man company. 

BIFF CYCYK
"What was the make or model of your first car?" 

JEFF
Grew up in New York. Took the subway. 

BIFF CYCYK
Current car, then. 

JEFF
Don't need one. I walk or bike to light rail. 

BIFF CYCYK
You did that today to come here? 

JEFF
Yeah! There's a train station that's only 8 blocks from here. 

BIFF CYCYK
That's pretty far. 

JEFF
I don't mind. 

BIFF CYCYK
Well, there's not many more options here. "When did your family first visit Disneyworld?" 

JEFF
We were Busch Gardens people. 

BIFF CYCYK
"Do you rent or own your home?" 

JEFF
I'm an unpaid housesitter for a professor of classics. He's on sabbatical right now in France... 

BIFF CYCYK
I don't need to know. Astrological sign? 

JEFF
Ophiuchus. 

BIFF CYCYK
What? 

JEFF
It's a sign they just added. Turns out that's what I've been my whole life. 

BIFF CYCYK
It only lets it be one of the 12. Do you remember which one you were before they added the 13th one? 

JEFF
Yeah, I wasn't interested until this sign was discovered. 

BIFF CYCYK
You don't remember. 

JEFF
Nope. Not until I saw the Newsweek article on Ophicius. 

What makes these beats different from the first beats? I would argue this part of the script is more heightened in two ways:

• Jeff’s biography is more unlikely: Being unmarried or petless might be surprising, but not necessarily unusual. Jeff is now testing the bounds of credulity. How many high schools in America don’t have a prom? How many Americans have never owned a car, especially those who founded their own company? Who identifies with Ophiuchus and has no idea what their traditional astrological sign is? Jeff’s biographical details are stranger here than they were before and will become stranger yet as the sketch goes on.

• Biff’s reaction is more emotionally charged: As much as sketch relies on the mechanisms of game, we can’t lose track of the importance of character. Real human reactions. Biff is clearly growing more annoyed at the situation. His delivery is curt. He cuts off Jeff’s friendly conversation (“I don’t need to know.”) He challenges Jeff: did he really walk eight blocks to the light rail to get here today? You truly don’t remember your astrological sign? This exasperation feels like a truthful human response and we laugh as we see Biff tire of Jeff’s responses. This annoyance stands out even more contrasted against Jeff’s blithe joviality.

A Change in Tactics

Tactical changes are a great way to keep your sketch interesting. In real life, when something isn’t working people try a new strategy, so too should the characters in a sketch. We want to see smart characters try the things we might try and be surprised when they still can’t overcome the game. That’s exactly what happens here, as Biff tries to overthrow the limitations of pre-written questions. Surely, with complete customization, Jeff can think of a security question that works for his very unusual and specific biography. And, of course, because this is a sketch, even this tactical change will result in failure.

BIFF CYCYK
I'm playing with the settings here. Turns out I can add a question just for you. What is a question you would have an answer to? 

JEFF
Um, "What is the name of the first short story collection you wrote in high school with a gothic theme?" 

BIFF CYCYK
Sorry, this is my fault. That question is too long. It's gotta be under 128 characters. 

JEFF
It's a great title. 

BIFF CYCYK
Well, the question is too long so it doesn't matt... 

JEFF
I'd really love to tell you. 

BIFF CYCYK
It just doesn't... 

JEFF
"A Fog in the Door." 

BIFF CYCYK
It doesn't matter.

This beat also heightens Biff’s annoyance and Jeff’s friendliness. The line “A Fog in the Door” gets a laugh even though it’s outside the big pattern of the sketch. It’s a line that feels truthful to Jeff’s character and the banality of the detail contrasts beautifully with Biff’s exasperation.

In the ensuing beats, Jeff’s details are revealed to even stranger and Biff grows more frustrated and challenges Jeff more.

JEFF
Okay. How about "In what European city did you first kiss a stranger?" 

BIFF CYCYK
Sure, what's the answer? 

JEFF
Interlaakan, Switzerland. Two a's, umlaut over the second a. 

BIFF CYCYK
You know, there's no foreign characters allowed in the system. So I'm just gonna enter it without an umlaut. 

JEFF
No, that'd be a different Interlaaken. I would never remember that. 

BIFF CYCYK
You'd have NO IDEA that that was the answer? 

JEFF
No. I'd try to enter an umlaut and if it didn't let me I'd walk away forever. 

BIFF CYCYK
I see. 

JEFF
How about "First literary magazine published in?" 

BIFF CYCYK
Ok, great! What is the name of the magazine. 

JEFF
"Password." 

BIFF CYCYK
Ok, "Password", great. Ah. That's... that's the one answer the system won't accept. 

JEFF
Ack, that's frustrating. 

“Password” is the one answer the system won’t accept. This beat gets a laugh and is a part of the overall pattern. But Jeff’s reaction “Ack, that’s frustrating” also gets a laugh because it’s a severe understatement of Biff’s feelings expressed in a way that feels very true to Jeff’s voice. A sketch with strong, consistent characters means you can get laughs from the beats, but also from the characters’ reactions to those beats.

A Final Change in Tactics

If Jeff can’t design a question for himself, surely Biff can think of something. He’ll put an end to this whole, frustrating situation. Only, of course he can’t, and the reasons feel extra-satisfying because they are callbacks

¹

to previous parts of Jeff’s story: his two dads and his poet girlfriend.

BIFF CYCYK
Ok, look I'm just going to make one up. Would you mind that? Would that offend you? 

JEFF
No! Go right ahead. 

BIFF CYCYK
"What is your favorite movie." 

JEFF
Never seen a movie. 

BIFF CYCYK
How? 

JEFF
My dads thought movies were trash, and then after a while not seeing them became a point of pride. 

BIFF CYCYK
You said you have a girlfriend. What's her name? 

JEFF
It's a glyph -- a bird-man carrying a pot. 

BIFF CYCYK
How do you pronounce that? 

JEFF
Eee-oooh! 

BIFF CYCYK
Could you just write down that.. that sound? 

JEFF
Well I pronounce it differently depending on mood? 

BIFF CYCYK
If she were writing a check, how would she sign her name? 

JEFF
With her mark. 

BIFF CYCYK
The mark is the glyph. 

JEFF
Yes. 

BIFF CYCYK
Favorite fruit? 

JEFF
Can’t have fruit. Allergic to pectin. 

The End

This sketch ends by running smack into a dead end. A beat that is so heightened, reality breaks. Here is a security question for which there is only one reasonable answer, and Jeff is sure that’s not the answer for him.

BIFF CYCYK
Favorite delivery medium for oxygen? 

JEFF
Let’s see: not air... 

BIFF CYCYK
I think we have to fire you. 

Biff has found the other way to end this interaction. Maybe instead of setting Jeff up with a password, he can just blow up their relationship entirely. Fire him. The only way to win is not to play. Jeff, as is consistent with his character, puts up no fight, and the two return to their original, friendly stasis.

They both stand up.

JEFF
Understandable. 

BIFF CYCYK
Good luck to you. 

JEFF
You as well. 

1. Callbacks get laughs because they operate as little nuggets of surprising truth. It’s surprising you with something consistent about the world that you might have forgotten about.