Hello Mike Trapp, thank you for the great post, this was a topic I was hoping you would discuss! I was wondering if you could comment on an issue I had of laughs from the audience covering up the rest of the joke?
I was lucky enough to have a sketch I wrote about a TSA agent with bizarre demands be performed in front of an audience. I found one line I thought was very funny got a decent laugh at the start, and then the laughter made it so no one could hear the actual punchline.
Basically the agent asked someone to do the hokey pokey and they say into a walkie talkie "This dumb bitch put his left foot in before he shook it all about" (reading it back now that is actually the correct way to pokey I think but no one noticed at the time). The 'dumb bitch' I guess was more of a character moment, demonstrating the weird unprofessionalism for a TSA agent, and as a result got a pretty big laugh right when the actress said it. That surprised me, I didn't think the swearing on it's own would get a laugh, and so no one could hear the rest of the line - the actual beat of the game that I thought was much funnier.
Maybe this is an issue with me not following the rule of ending with the best word, but I don't really feel the dumb bitch was the best word of the joke, just the most surprising. Do you have any tips or experience to share about making sure your jokes don't step on their own toes?
I love this question because, yeah, these are the weird challenges you'll run into, and I think it's interesting to see how changing a few words or bits of punctuation can sometimes create massive changes in the effect of the joke. I can immediately see a couple of possibilities. I don't pretend to know which one is "right," but maybe you'll see a solution that calls out to you, or gets your mind thinking in a completely different direction.
1. Do Nothing -- Always an option, right? I think you're correct that "dumb bitch" shouldn't have gotten a laugh big enough to cover the rest of the line -- but it's hard to say outside the context. And when I say context I mean EVERYTHING. Maybe this line felt particularly emotive in an otherwise dry scene, so it got a bigger reaction. Maybe there wasn't much profanity before so this bit was particularly shocking. Maybe this particular audience was composed of people who just loved to see a bit of verbal abuse. Maybe the way the actor delivered the line made it a million times funnier. This ain't science and you an't control for all the variables. You may want to stick to your guns and say, "I think this line feels tight and right, so let's see what the next audience does." Of course, if you do that, you need to be ready to admit that something isn't working with the line if you keep getting the same reaction.
2. Split it Up Between Sentences: If you find that "dumb bitch" always gets a disruptive laugh, you can plan for it by building in a pause. Split it into two sentences: "Get a load of this dumb bitch. He put his left foot in before he shook it all about." This lets the actor naturally pause to wait for laughs. Depending on how the scene is set up it might even feel like a stronger joke, if we think this guy looks like a "dumb bitch" for some other reason, it'll feel like a turn when you say "He put his left foot in..."
3. Split it up between characters: If you've got peas-in-a-pod characters you can split up the line between them to let each moment stand on its own. A bit of profanity on its own may not be a joke, but as I said above, there may be a deeper reason it's getting a laugh, and maybe you want to exploit that. Splitting it up could also heighten the contrast between how silly the specifics are and how serious these characters seem to be treating the scenario, which might let you get two laughs when you'd otherwise have one -- AGENT 1: "This guy put his left foot in before he shook it all about." AGENT 2: "You dumb motherfucker."
4. Soften it: If you think the phrase "dumb bitch" is distracting from the joke you want to tell... just get rid of it! You make the rules here. Maybe you can focus the audience's attention in the place you want by changing it to something like "this idiot put his left foot in before he shook it all about." If you find that this line is getting less of a laugh than before, maybe consider whether "dumb bitch" was doing more than just being pure profanity (all the stuff about context I talked about above.)
I'm sure there are many other solutions, the ultimate goal here is to be sure you're using your words to lead the audience EXACTLY where you want them to be.
I love this. I have found my kryptonite is that I will see something, make 3 different logical leaps in my head, then I'll write a joke that relies on everyone else making those logical leaps when they have no reason to. I've gotten better at it over the years, but it is definitely something I have to look out for.
I 100% agree on the advice about using Twitter as a way to force word economy. It was even better when you only had 140 characters.
But that instinct is good! You want to give people A and C to let them figure out B. As you say, giving them A and F might be too many steps for the joke to land.
Thanks for this. I'm sorry I didn't respond! I saw it and meant to. Let me give you an example. This is probably my favorite joke that I've written, but I know it's not the best joke I've written because it requires you to know something.
Freddie Mercury's full name is Fred Entertainment Mercury.
Unless you know that Chuck E. Cheese's full name according to the company is Charles Entertainment Cheese, you will look at me confused.
This is, I think, describing a slightly different situation. This is just a problem with any referential humor -- if you're referencing something else, it requires the audience already be familiar with the other thing. I generally try to be pretty spare with references for this very reason. If you're going to go for the reference you should know if your audience is likely to get it. A joke like the one above would probably play fine on the internet (where there's no reference too small for people to meme into infinity). It might not play as well for a more targeted or smaller audience.
At the same time, it's impossible to write a joke that everyone will understand and like. You're going to leave some people out. Sometimes you'll know that a joke is for a smaller audience, but will be hugely appreciated by the few who get it. And then it's your decision if that's a tradeoff you want to make.
Hello Mike Trapp, thank you for the great post, this was a topic I was hoping you would discuss! I was wondering if you could comment on an issue I had of laughs from the audience covering up the rest of the joke?
I was lucky enough to have a sketch I wrote about a TSA agent with bizarre demands be performed in front of an audience. I found one line I thought was very funny got a decent laugh at the start, and then the laughter made it so no one could hear the actual punchline.
Basically the agent asked someone to do the hokey pokey and they say into a walkie talkie "This dumb bitch put his left foot in before he shook it all about" (reading it back now that is actually the correct way to pokey I think but no one noticed at the time). The 'dumb bitch' I guess was more of a character moment, demonstrating the weird unprofessionalism for a TSA agent, and as a result got a pretty big laugh right when the actress said it. That surprised me, I didn't think the swearing on it's own would get a laugh, and so no one could hear the rest of the line - the actual beat of the game that I thought was much funnier.
Maybe this is an issue with me not following the rule of ending with the best word, but I don't really feel the dumb bitch was the best word of the joke, just the most surprising. Do you have any tips or experience to share about making sure your jokes don't step on their own toes?
I love this question because, yeah, these are the weird challenges you'll run into, and I think it's interesting to see how changing a few words or bits of punctuation can sometimes create massive changes in the effect of the joke. I can immediately see a couple of possibilities. I don't pretend to know which one is "right," but maybe you'll see a solution that calls out to you, or gets your mind thinking in a completely different direction.
1. Do Nothing -- Always an option, right? I think you're correct that "dumb bitch" shouldn't have gotten a laugh big enough to cover the rest of the line -- but it's hard to say outside the context. And when I say context I mean EVERYTHING. Maybe this line felt particularly emotive in an otherwise dry scene, so it got a bigger reaction. Maybe there wasn't much profanity before so this bit was particularly shocking. Maybe this particular audience was composed of people who just loved to see a bit of verbal abuse. Maybe the way the actor delivered the line made it a million times funnier. This ain't science and you an't control for all the variables. You may want to stick to your guns and say, "I think this line feels tight and right, so let's see what the next audience does." Of course, if you do that, you need to be ready to admit that something isn't working with the line if you keep getting the same reaction.
2. Split it Up Between Sentences: If you find that "dumb bitch" always gets a disruptive laugh, you can plan for it by building in a pause. Split it into two sentences: "Get a load of this dumb bitch. He put his left foot in before he shook it all about." This lets the actor naturally pause to wait for laughs. Depending on how the scene is set up it might even feel like a stronger joke, if we think this guy looks like a "dumb bitch" for some other reason, it'll feel like a turn when you say "He put his left foot in..."
3. Split it up between characters: If you've got peas-in-a-pod characters you can split up the line between them to let each moment stand on its own. A bit of profanity on its own may not be a joke, but as I said above, there may be a deeper reason it's getting a laugh, and maybe you want to exploit that. Splitting it up could also heighten the contrast between how silly the specifics are and how serious these characters seem to be treating the scenario, which might let you get two laughs when you'd otherwise have one -- AGENT 1: "This guy put his left foot in before he shook it all about." AGENT 2: "You dumb motherfucker."
4. Soften it: If you think the phrase "dumb bitch" is distracting from the joke you want to tell... just get rid of it! You make the rules here. Maybe you can focus the audience's attention in the place you want by changing it to something like "this idiot put his left foot in before he shook it all about." If you find that this line is getting less of a laugh than before, maybe consider whether "dumb bitch" was doing more than just being pure profanity (all the stuff about context I talked about above.)
I'm sure there are many other solutions, the ultimate goal here is to be sure you're using your words to lead the audience EXACTLY where you want them to be.
I love this. I have found my kryptonite is that I will see something, make 3 different logical leaps in my head, then I'll write a joke that relies on everyone else making those logical leaps when they have no reason to. I've gotten better at it over the years, but it is definitely something I have to look out for.
I 100% agree on the advice about using Twitter as a way to force word economy. It was even better when you only had 140 characters.
But that instinct is good! You want to give people A and C to let them figure out B. As you say, giving them A and F might be too many steps for the joke to land.
Thanks for this. I'm sorry I didn't respond! I saw it and meant to. Let me give you an example. This is probably my favorite joke that I've written, but I know it's not the best joke I've written because it requires you to know something.
Freddie Mercury's full name is Fred Entertainment Mercury.
Unless you know that Chuck E. Cheese's full name according to the company is Charles Entertainment Cheese, you will look at me confused.
This is, I think, describing a slightly different situation. This is just a problem with any referential humor -- if you're referencing something else, it requires the audience already be familiar with the other thing. I generally try to be pretty spare with references for this very reason. If you're going to go for the reference you should know if your audience is likely to get it. A joke like the one above would probably play fine on the internet (where there's no reference too small for people to meme into infinity). It might not play as well for a more targeted or smaller audience.
At the same time, it's impossible to write a joke that everyone will understand and like. You're going to leave some people out. Sometimes you'll know that a joke is for a smaller audience, but will be hugely appreciated by the few who get it. And then it's your decision if that's a tradeoff you want to make.