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Damien MENIGAUX's avatar

Wow ! This comparison of 1st vs final draft is mind blowing. I don't know why, in my head I was thinking that the final version of the sketch was written like that on the first try by the great almighty Brennan. But I'm thrilled to learn how the team effort made this sketch much better. That's crazy.

That prompts the question : have you sometimes felt that you shouldn't even show a first draft because it's really not good enough ? I feel like that about some things I write, but this post inspires me to say : maybe I should show them anyways and whatever happens... In fact : when is a first draft ready to be shown ? Before this, I was thinking very conservatively about this : never show something you're not already proud of.

Thanks again for the great post.

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Katie S.'s avatar

Thanks to Brennan for sharing these two versions of the script! I love this sketch, and it’s so fascinating to see how it evolved from its original concept.

When trying to think of where I’d possibly add a beat, I was drawn to the joke about the Crest dinner paste. I feel like it could possibly be heightened more to continue the game of inedible products looking edible, while still keeping the joke about how they’re literally just selling food now (which I think is really funny).

Maybe after introducing the food product, he introduces a nearly identical toothpaste product called meal bag FLAVORED toothpaste, which is 100% NOT edible. The CEO holds the two identical tubes up, one that’s edible and one that isn’t, and doesn’t understand how no one can see that this is an accident waiting to happen. (Or maybe it would work better if the inedible toothpaste was introduced first? I couldn’t decide which version would be best, if the added joke even works at all.)

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