A Very Merry Collection of Rejected Sketches
Ho Ho Ho! Here's a bunch of garbage!
Happy Holidays!
You know I’ve written a lot of sketches, which means I’ve written a lot of bad sketches. More bad than good. And I’ve been writing sketches long enough that I’ve written a lot of bad holiday sketches, specifically. Now, for your reading pleasure(?) are two, never-before-recorded holiday sketches in all their flawed originality.
Secret Santa
This was one of my first sketches, written before I was on a sketch team at the UCB. It was performed live once or twice, but never put on video. The idea here is that Santa knows what you really want for Christmas, but sometimes the things we want are kind of embarrassing. This was a version I rewrote several years later in hopes that CollegeHumor would produce it. They did not! Ho ho ho!
The Wise Men
I wrote this one, Jesus, about ten years ago. It was performed live once or twice. It’s about how a gift of gold in modern times is an objectively superior gift than frankincense or myrrh, and it imagines the three wise men reckoning with the gift giving politics of that reality. I wrote this before I was on the CollegeHumor video team when I worked in the editorial department. I rewrote this as a prose piece so I could post it as an article, at which point commenters told me that there was a similar joke on Family Guy and that I should kill myself for publishing this thing. They thought they were so smart but now both it and the comments are gone, along with several years of my work when the CollegeHumor website was quietly disappeared from the internet! So who’s laughing now? Ho ho… ho. Ho.
I really liked the fact that the inn was booked by them, causing the birth to be in the stable. Was the asphysiating masturbator initially SAM? was that a typo?
Merry Xmas !